Drayton: Contrite

Emma Way. Barry Rogerson. Two prime examples of Abject Contrition being The New Black.

Both hoisted by their own petards, their complete lack of control in situations where most people would go – oh shit! I just did a bad thing.

These days you can’t get away with anything. Especially if you are either caught on camera or actually boast to the world that you’ve behaved in an appalling manner. Social media is to blame of course; a bad deed can zap around the globe faster than the speed of light.

Damn that social media.

Hold on there bald eagle – social media is at fault? Emma blamed Twitter for the shit she got herself in. Emma was driving along, as you do, when she upended a bloke on a bike, sent him flying, and could’ve killed him. What did she do? Jump out of her car? Apologise? Help him? No. Emma tweeted ‘ “Definitely knocked a cyclist off his bike earlier. I have right of way – he doesn’t even pay road tax! #Bloodycyclists”

The tweet went viral, and the police felt her collar. Days later she was on telly, crocodile tears streaming down her face. Of course she was sorry, she’d had death threats, her job was at risk. It had all got out of hand. Poor bairn. Handbrake turn here. She wasn’t sorry at all. She was sorry she’d been fingered, but at the moment of the ‘incident’ she wasn’t sorry in the slightest. It was the cyclist who was at fault. It would have been his fault if he’d died. He doesn’t pay road tax, the bastard.

Similarly animal loving horse-puncher Barry. He feeds the foxes across the way. He’s got dogs, and fish. A proper Johnny Morris. apart from when he’s got a ‘bad tooth’ and has been to the boozer to see his team get a good drubbing. Then it’s time for a civil disturbance and some horse punching. Again, his image is zapped around the world. Again, contrition. He loves foxes across the way.

The question has to be – why? Why is it OK to behave like this? Why such disregard for the well being of others. What’s happened? Is it the Big Society gone mad?

The one silver lining in all this is the way the comedy world appears to have behaved around the Woolwich murder last week. I expected a Daily Mail headline reporting some hack knacker making light in some obscure comedy club, but no. Restraint and respect has been shown*.

Thank you comedy world. Leading rather than kicking for once.

*With the exception of some misguided Dutch TV bollocks. Idiots.

Mr Drayton’s Record Player is at the Tyneside Cinema every Thursday. The needle drops at 7.15pm, and tickets are a fiver.  Click to buy tickets.