10 things I’m worried about

I worry about things. I didn’t worry about things in the past, but since I started doing stand up comedy I’ve developed a number of wonderful neurosis. Thanks comedy! Anyway, I’m doing a new show at The Stand Comedy Club in Newcastle on 3 April and I’m worried about it. The worries are manifold; here are ten of them…

1. What if the title is shit?

The title is ‘I came here to burn this place to the ground and make a table and I’m all out of table making equipment and matches’ which, I’m the first to agree is not a very good name for a show. I mean, would I go and see a show with that title? I have no idea.

2. What if the show is shit?

I mean, obviously I don’t think it is but what do I know? I feel like it’s funny and interesting and all that bollocks but it isn’t up to me, rather unfairly.

3. What if nobody comes?

Don’t get me wrong, some people have bought tickets and that but what if they all decide not to bother? It feels unlikely I’ll admit. I’m not famous though, which, as a ticket selling device is a flawed one.

4. What if Sammy Dobson is slain?

It would be sad because she is my friend but also because she’s doing my support but also because I don’t want to have to ask George Zach. When he asks why I’ve used his name here, I’ll pretend it’s because I can’t follow him.

5. What if other comedians think I’m a knob?

Some definitely will. I would if it wasn’t me doing a show while not famous. Oh well, self employed mate…

6. What if promoters who don’t book me go “pfff! him?!?”

I’ll have them know that I’m pretty consistent these days. Give me another chance! Don’t worry everyone, I’m doing okay.

7. Technology

I’m using computers and recording stuff and some sort of pedal that I don’t fully know how to use. It’ll definitely all break won’t it?

8. My mental health

It’s definitely ‘in question’, especially in the few days before a show. I apologise to my friends and family in advance.

9. Reviews

What if they say I’m shit? Tough, I won’t read them unless I’m specifically told that they say I’m brilliant. Even then I probably won’t in case I find one phrase that I can take the wrong way. Which I will.

10. What if people think I’m only writing this to advertise my show (3 April at The Stand in Newcastle, £5, doors 7.30pm, show 8.30pm)?

I’d hate it if they thought that.