Review: Comedian Rap Battle, The Stand, Newcastle

The Comedian Rap Battle came to Newcastle after a stint at the Fringe.
It’s where comics attack each other and generally have a whinge.
And as things get very personal, here’s a legal declaration:
Everything described in this review is merely allegation.

Ro Campbell and ‘The Wee Man’ announced the acts – and both seemed canny,
But I can’t help thinking it was one compere too many.

First up was Matt Reed who battled Tony Jameson,
Attacking his material and how he can’t get gigs in.
But Tony gallantly fought back during the next section,
Exposing Matt’s promiscuity and his sexual infection.

Si Buglass versus Lee Kyle was a sight to behold,
A mixture of antagonism and man-love untold.
Gasps from the crowd as the comics cringed,
As they each revealed how they’re all a bit unhinged.

John Scott’s rap against Gav Webster was quite under-rehearsed,
Written by his missus but at least it was in verse.
Gav was the cheekiest pulling a crafty stunt,
Getting Stuey from Sod the Tories up on stage to read his out instead.

Like Si and Lee, the battle didn’t get in the way of some genuine affection,
Between the big guys, amongst the battle rap introspection.
That particular battle ended in manly embrace,
Good to see spirits are high, whatever anyone says.

And, anyway, their material could have been far bluer,
Especially when they mentioned one particular reviewer.

And then finally the one we’d waited for: the battle of the heavyweights,
Featuring Chris Donald’s brother, Simon, and that idiot, Seymour Mace.
Mace won the first round at last year’s Edinburgh Festival,
And it’s hard to see how Seymour wouldn’t win them all.

Simon put up a brave fight and looked better than on YouTube,
With some cracking one-liners, most incredibly rude.
Explicit references stop the night becoming stale,
Some mentions of other comics and someone from Emmerdale.

But Seymour was the inevitable victor, and, although it was hardly showbiz,
The audience cheered more loudly for him than for Mr Viz.
All in all a cracking night, and the comics had been thorough,
At exposing each’s personal lives – and now they’re off to Edinburgh.

Date of live review: Sunday 22 June 2014

Comedian Rap Battle will be appearing at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe in August.