Rob Gilroy: Making A Stand #44

Are any of you lot budding sketch writers?

I hope not, as it would be incredibly inconvenient to me. The last thing I need is more competition.

I can’t think of anything worse than having to prove myself in a sea of other people all equally desperate to stand out, like a really needy re-enactment of the final scene in Titanic.

On the off chance you are harbouring dreams of writing the next Deceased Parrot or Five Candles; I most certainly will not tell you about The Show What You Wrote. I won’t breathe a word of it. And I definitely won’t put a link up to the website.

This link, right here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b01r1s2h/features/about

Nope, I won’t do it.

You may have heard of TSWYW, as we in the industry and those who like to abbreviate things call it. It is an open door sketch show for Radio 4 (the BBC one) and the second series is currently in production.

The basic premise is that this is a sketch show written entirely by non-commissioned writers, what that means is; it’s a show of sketches written by people who have not had a commission. Glad I could clarify things a little.

While many people may see this as further evidence of the BBC’s steady decline – now they can’t even be bothered to hire writers, they’re getting the listeners to do it – some would see it as a valuable opportunity for those, like myself, who enjoy writing sketches and who would, presumably, like that to become some sort of full-time paid hobby.

I myself have taken part in BBC comedy writing schemes and have found them to be incredibly good at helping to develop your skills. Who better to give advice and guidance on writing than some people you’ve never met who wear BBC lanyards?

I’ve been very fortunate that some of the projects I’ve worked on have gone on to be heard by human ears and there is nothing more satisfying than that.

And if you were to get a sketch on TSWYW (The Show What You Wrote) then it could possibly be performed by that really funny man who was in Cold Feet. Imagine that!

The reason I’m not telling you about TSWYW (The Show What You Wrote) is that last year over a hundred million people submitted sketches to it (numbers approx.) and as such the competition was furious.

I myself, sent in dozens of sketches and lo and behold – got bugger all on air. I even got a letter from the BBC themselves, saying that my sketches were of such a high standard that they couldn’t use them for fear of making the others sound bad.

At least, I’m pretty sure it says that; I haven’t opened it yet, it’s framed and on the wall in the downstairs toilet.

So this year I am submitting again and I’m hoping that if people don’t hear about the show, I will get something on purely by default of the fact it was incredibly undersubscribed.

As such I have spent the last couple of weeks writing sketches like a man possessed by Gerald Wiley. If anything, writing for one of these open-door policy shows is worth it purely because it inspires you to write more. Although, that won’t make your family proud of you.

I’ve been thoroughly enjoying writing towards a brief, albeit a very vague one. The subject headings allow your brain to think up ideas you would never have considered before.

Last night I wrote a sketch about sport. Me! Sport! What are the chances?

I have been writing as many sketches as possible with a view to holding a Herod style cull in the days leading up to the deadline, this way only the crème de la best will go through.

Unless I accidentally pick a bad one and submit that. Or have unerring faith in a sketch that is neither funny nor about sport.

They (who are ‘they’?) say when you’re writing comedy, not to go with your first idea as that’s what most people will think of.

They (them again!) then say to have a second idea but to not go with that. Then they say (it’s like they don’t bloody shut up!) come up with a third idea and to use that one, as that’s the one that will be unique to you. So that is what I intended to do.

However, as I finished my sketch I had a sudden thought; ‘what if this idea is rubbish?’ Then I had another; ‘What if my first one was brilliant?’

Then I proceeded to have numerous thoughts along the lines of my third ideas being watered-down versions of what I wanted to do and my second ideas being blindingly brilliant despite the fact I only came up with them to bridge the gap between ideas one and three.

What started as a useful writing exercise, became a minefield of potential pitfalls. It’s safe to say; I didn’t write much that day.

So what would I suggest for overcoming this confusing conundrum?

Basically; my advice (even though you haven’t asked for it) is to write what you think is funny. It doesn’t matter whether it’s your first idea or your fiftieth – just write it. If it makes you laugh then you must be doing something right.

That’s the only real indicator you have, so it seems foolish to ignore it in favour of an idea-based numbering system. If you write something you think most people will come up with, you’ll know. It might not be the second the idea comes to you, it may only be after a couple of drafts, but you’ll know. In which case; move on, write something else.

Comedy writing, whether jokes, sketches or scripts; is like a blind person climbing a mountain – you can’t use a white stick and it’s not fair on the dog, so you have to feel around, using only your senses and the belief in your own abilities.

You may stumble, and will more than likely get stuck along the way but, with patience and perseverance, you will reach the top. The only difference between you and the blind person is that you’ll be able to see the view when you get there.

TSWYW (The Show What You Wrote) is a great opportunity, invaluable experience and is run by passionate and experience people. So don’t bother submitting anything.

Rob can be seen next at Stockport’s Foodie Friday event.